“You may now kiss the bride.”

It is pretty standard – no matter what religion, gender or race, there is a celebration of a union between two people, sealed by a kiss. However another commonality at weddings is poor dressing – I am not discussing clothing choices, but more to the point – the undergarments.

I am trying to respectfully give the bride and groom my undivided attention. BUT I just can’t!

The ceremony is being conducted in one of the most picturesque churches, located in an affluent suburb; and the guests are all quite conventionally handsome. HOWEVER, I can’t concentrate on the bride and groom. Why you ask?

Because the lady in front of me is wearing a skin coloured skirt with full brief black underwear. How do I know? Because, I can see them! Now, I am not here to pick on my fellow sisters or brothers…

Dressing for a wedding can be a task in itself (even for a guest), there is the dress colour (am I showing up the bride OR am I going under the radar?), cut of top/dress (do I look like I am trying to meet my groom?) or style (do I look like my mother?)... yes it can get hectic, even for people who have their outfit ready a week prior to the event. By hectic I am insinuating the non-cooperation of hair, shoes and makeup (the list goes on).

My point is that I am writing to my sisterhood with enlightenment on the ups and downs of wedding attire. Literally.

Underwear. Yep, we all own it and we all seem to struggle with it.

My top tips for wearing the RIGHT underwear to any formal occasion – this stems from my four years as a professional bra fitter in retail giant Bras N Things:

 

  1. Skin coloured underwear belongs under ANYTHING white. That means if it is white, don’t even look at your sexy white or black briefs!
  2. Get your bra fitted, your bra cup should be smooth over your breast. It is not meant to cause a double breast effect… at any time. This is not cleavage, this is distracting for fellow guests.
  3. Never wear “tight” v-strings or g-strings with a fitted dress, as this will make you look like meatloaf. Make your underwear work around your body not vice versa. There are also seamless variations in these ranges. 
  1. “Going commando”, requires hygiene and appropriate skirt length and etiquette. Do not dance like you belong in an 80s aerobic video… no dips or high kicks either. This causes fellow guests unnecessary eye burn.
  2. There are convertible bras to ensure support whilst providing backless perfection, if your top is going to hang… let that be your only hanging feature.
  3. Strapless bras – you need a good one. No matter your size you are from

A-G+ they are available. Utilise them or your outfit will suffer.

  1. Avoid Visual Panty Lines (VPL)… Do not wear full briefs with tight dresses, pants or any formal attire, like ever. Leave your undergarments to the imagination. And if you truly love your full brief comfort, invest in seamless underwear.
  2. Lace bumpsters are sexy in the bedroom, but when worn under statin, silk or light materials. They can become a pattern under your clothes and often cause confusion for others, they type of attention that no-one really wants.
  3. Gender neutral advice: do not wear underwear, which casually makes an appearance above your waistline, you are not Marky Mark (CK underwear model from the 90s) or Kendall Jenner at the 2017 Met Gala. Showing underwear is not seductive, it is rather tacky.

Don’t be the reason the stars of the show don’t get to shine, be a guest who is a back-up dancer! You still sparkle, but you are supporting the main act. Make the right underwear choices.

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